3 Nov
You can do one or all of these in whichever order you wish. I recommend starting with #8.
2 Nov
Ikea . . . Or I get insanely drunk. However, if there’s no booze at hand I go to the gym to workout and inspiration always comes, along with the heart palpitations and temporary blindness. I have too many ideas is the problem, and those goddamn monkey’s I bought in Ikea are useless at writing them up into coherent scripts.
Having said that, I remember doing a Screen Training Ireland masterclass in Dublin about six years ago where one of the writers (Jurgen Wolfe) gave his tips for generating ideas when writing for television. Using the characters of The Golden Girls he suggested you write a list of all the main players, Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia. You then create four columns beside each character’s name — if I am remembering this correctly — and brainstorm nouns. He turned it over to the floor, beginning with Dorothy and those present mentioned glass, car, hat, dog, house. I suggested AIDS test but he didn’t hear me, even though I repeated myself a dozen times and could’ve sworn he did. Anyway, he continued on with each character until they all had a few words beside their name. Then we just joined the dots. Dorothy breaks Sophia’s glasses. Rose has to redo her driver’s licence. Blanche has a wedding. Sophia (with no glasses) gets a seeing eye dog. Rose takes an AIDS test. On and on we went generating hundreds of possible story ideas. It was a brilliant tip. Much better than Ikea.
1 Nov
I have watched this trailer a dozen times since its release. The first few times gave me genuine goosebumps. It’s one of the best trailers I’ve ever seen and for all those reactionaries who whined about the look of the Na’vi, just consider one thing: This is a James Cameron movie. James motherfunking Cameron! Bring it on! December 17th can’t come soon enough.
30 Oct
Everyone knows drunken monkeys are hilarious but also: first impressions count. We all remember the, uh, unforgettable screen entrances of Captain Jack Sparrow, Dr. Lecter and Tina Carlyle (Cameron Diaz) in The Mask (amongst other classics), but how does one write a good intro?
Well, key to any great entrance is being true to that character, and then putting a spin on it. If your leading lady walks into a restaurant and turns heads, that’s great, but also have her turn stomachs and voilà you have a scene of mass projectile vomiting. Tricks like these will set your script apart.
Of course one can use the Dan Brown method — “[Robert Langdon is] Harrison Ford in Harris tweed” — which is genius and conveys so much with no discernible effort used at all. But while it is possible to describe any character in this way (“Jessica Rabbit is Harrison Ford in drag,” “ET is Harrison Ford naked, and suffering palsy,” etc.) there are other effective styles of writing.
For example:
VINNIE BAGO sneers and downs a tequila. He slams the shot glass on the bar counter and it EXPLODES — not the glass, BUT THE WHOLE FUCKING BAR!!! Vinnie walks out of the burning rubble, ON FIRE! But he don’t give a shit. He just lights up his CUBAN and CRACKS his neck. Oh yeah!
In this scene we are introduced to 85-year-old Vincent Bago with simple yet effective description that communicates succinctly and poetically this man’s in love.
Another great introduction, this time conveying a more alluring quality is –
SHEILA BLIGE, 20s, walks naked towards the camera and winks. Then she turns and bends over. Winks. Then she lies down and wraps both ankles round her head. Winks.
It captures a certain magic Sheila possesses and insists you pay attention. It also tastefully says this woman is comfortable with her femininity and practices ashtanga yoga.
PROFESSOR KICKASS (40s) twirls, enjoying the opera music that echoes through his opulent study where there’s enough room to swing a cat. Which is what he’s doing.
Here we immediately understand that Professor Kickass is a psychopath (and thus European) due to his obvious wealth and penchant for opera. Yet the clever dichotomy here is the addition of him swinging a cat above his head which says this is a guy I’d like to party with.
Finally, the best-friend or side-kick is always a tough character to set-up right, without overshadowing your more important leads or better looking actors. Yet, below is a perfect example of striking the right balance:
HEIDI VODKA, 40, SCREAMS into the mirror, then laughs, then SCREAMS, then laughs and sobs, then hoists up her skirt and wees on the floor.
An evocative example of wonderful understated writing, brimming with subtext. Heidi is a unique individual and her role of pathetic best friend is just one aspect of her.
So, by applying these examples it is possible to outdo even the best Hollywood has to offer and help make your script not only a great read but a superb late night cable TV movie. Try it!
29 Oct
The end literally justifies the means and just as a lot of good movies can be undone by a weak or contrived conclusion, a great ending can elevate a mediocre movie. After all, it’s not called a climax for nothing. Your goal as writer is to ensure everyone craves a cigarette after experiencing your movie. It’s your duty. Rising to that challenge, however, is not an easy endeavour, therefor I’ve listed some quality ways to end your script should you find you’ve written yourself into a corner or you’re bored of writing.
1. The Dream Ending
The sudden yet satisfying twist “it was all a dream” is one of the great, classic ways to end a story. It not only frees you up to go nuts with your writing but to go out on a limb, stark raving mad nuts should you wish. So chuck in that break-dancing midget you love so much, or add that moment where everyone sets each other on fire. With ‘The Dream Ending’ all can be explained away in a simple and elegant shot of your protagonist waking up. It’s the perfect closer to any story. You’ve seen it done before, so do what the pros do.
2. The Just Kill Everyone Ending
This is probably the most fun ending to write. You get all your characters together in a room, easily explained with a montage of characters opening invitations and talking on telephones and then outfit each character with a machine gun. The rest writes itself. In the ensuing orgy of shootouts the audience will be so overwhelmed with excitement you’ll earn enough goodwill to end the movie right then and there. But don’t forget it’s also possible to add humour to and ending of this type with a hilarious walk-on character, i.e. an old lady or monkey, shooting a bazooka. A guaranteed winner every time, so lock and load.
3. The Cut-to-Credits Ending
This ending is the easiest of all to accomplish and works a treat. It’s deliberately confusing, thus delivers the much loved “talked about ending”. Having your audience exit the cinema wondering what the fuck just happened is a great way to build buzz, too. The trick to achieving such a masterstroke is simple: don’t write anything. Or if you already have — simply delete the last few pages of your script. If this cuts off a character mid-sentence then all the better! Endings that tie everything up in a nice bow pander to conventions. Don’t do that. Audiences hate it. Allow the audience to draw their own conclusions by stopping the story without an ending! Audiences love these endings. It makes them feel super smart, so do it!
4. The Twist Ending
Everyone loves a good twist and the great thing with these endings is you don’t see them coming which frees you up to let your imagination run wild. Nothing is off-limits with a twist ending. You can reveal characters never existed, nor did the movie itself. Nothing need add up with a twist ending. Take The Usual Suspects for instance — the big twist in that was that the whole movie was a complete load of bollocks concocted by Kevin Spacey and a coffee mug. There was no story at all and everyone thinks it’s a great movie even though THERE WAS NO STORY AT ALL. Just a reveal. You too can do this and be regarded as an Oscar winning genius.
5. The Joke Ending
This turns your story into an elaborate set-up for a punchline, and it’s a strategy that can work great. Alas, don’t fret if you can’t think of a funny button, a simple sight gag could be all you need. Have someone slip on a banana peel or get so angry their head explodes. The possibilities are endless (pun intended). However, if you really want to knock ‘em for six, kick a character in the balls. Preferably a male character. It never fails to amuse and if executed with panache you’ll have yourself an ending worthy of Capra.
6. The Voice-Over Ending
With this style of closure all you need is Morgan Freeman and a page and a half of poetic narration for a heart rendering resolution. For example:
……………………………..MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)
In the end, Jack never found the gun and decided to move on with his life and he hooked up with this chick called Mags or something I dunno, and they had a bunch of kids and shit and he named one after the dude he knew on page 12, and yeah that’s how it ends. Or does it? Haha. Just kidding. Thanks for watching. Peace.
It might also prove helpful to include text on screen so an audience can read what is being said. All in all this style ending will turn any script into The Shawshank Redemption, no matter the genre.
7. The Sequel Set-Up Ending
If you so happen to use any of the endings suggested here, you are beholden to include the sequel set-up ending. These days it is a prerequisite of a satisfying end. If by any chance you have killed all your main characters or revealed it all to be a dream, or a story told by a coffee mug, the sequel set-up ending is your double twist and by applying it you’ll have people cheering and punching the air. If the main bad guy is dead, a simple shot of him opening his eyes is all you need. If your lead wakes up at the end revealing it was a dream all you do is have them wake up again and show they were dreaming they were dreaming. Pure poetry. And with a lovely tune play us out — by, say, Snap or Yazz — you’re home free.
So now you know what to do, go do it . . . and don’t mention my name.
22 Oct
The Internet is a great invention, isn’t it? It’s brought the world closer together, shown us amazing things, taught us so much about ourselves and our own humanity, encouraged us to be creative, and given us tons and tons of porn the likes of which we’ll never recover from. (Two Girls, One Cup anyone?) Yet, there’s a downside to the Web, too. One we’ve all experienced or are likely to . . . you know.
Having read an excerpt from Delete: The Virtue of Forgetting in the Digital Age I was reminded that the Interwebs (as people like to call it when trying to sound hip) never, ever forgets.
Ever.
It’s really bloody annoying that way. It’s the girlfriend that won’t let you forget you were wrong that one and only time. A permanent record, like the one they told you about in school. The one they said would haunt you for the rest of your life and limit your opportunities forever, until you realised it was all a load of shite and were so relieved. Yeah, the Internet is that little black book and there’s a good chance you’re in it.
That scathing and ignorant comment you made on a blog way back in 2001, it’s still there. That picture of you stoned off your face and smeared in chocolate, Google’s got it. That YouTube video of you drunk, playing the keyboard, it’s gotten 433,993 views. And there’s nothing you can do to change it.
Recently a friend of mine discovered to his horror that Google was storing people’s tweets and showing them in its search engine, essentially turning Twitter from a casual real-time online global conversation into an unforgiving transcript of people’s every (tw)utterance. Even if you deleted your tweet, it was cached. Warts and all. For who knows how long. It’s what makes Google stalking such a fun sport, I guess. And it’s a cold hard fact of the World Wide Web — it’s out to get you. Like the terrorists!
Run!
::Warning:: The following is not funny unless read aloud with a variety of comedy accents.
In a world where so many of our interactions are built around posting, uploading, blogging, updating, tagging, tumbling, texting, tweeting, and RSS feeding . . . there’s no deleting. In the Internet age, Communication is accountability. Imagine everything you ever said as a teenager waiting for you to re-read as a forty-year old parent. Those days are ahead for some and while it may be fascinating to rediscover an online echo of yourself down the line, it might also be a little uncompromising.
Recently I had coffee with an in-demand UK writer, one who had quite a well known blog until his commentors turned unnecessarily nasty. I asked his advice about blogging, whether it was worth it or not — I constantly question whether a blog is helpful or harmful — and his opinion was it’s ultimately counter productive and a dangerous pass-time. Another friend, a director, also recounted to me past instances where writers he knew about had lost assignments because someone hiring had read their blog and deemed them unprofessional. Rightly or wrongly, it’s how it is nowadays and it’s all too easy to misrepresent yourself online.
Will we regret being on Facebook in a few years? Or Twitter? Or blogspot, Myspace, WordPress, etc. Who knows, but it’s worth remembering when you log on because one things for sure, Google’s not going to forget.
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